One of my favorite things to do when a woman sits before me in the hair/makeup chair is explore her fear. It’s inevitable, *every* woman is afraid of something–no matter her size, shape, ethnicity, age. It’s engrained in us.
Explore her fear – One woman in particular I will never forget–she is imprinted on my heart forever. When I asked her why she was nervous, her eyes instantly welled up with tears. She met me with her eyes and a stillness fell between us.
“I’m afraid that the hair/makeup, the outfits, your expertise..it won’t be enough. I’m afraid I will be the one woman you can’t make sexy.”
I let her feel her fear, I let her exhale, I let her dry her eyes. I allowed her fear to have validity–for it to fall into a space where it was safe with me. I believe that only when you are able to really sit in your rawness, in your most vulnerable states, is when your healing begins.
My eyes never let hers go when I replied: “Whether or not you will be that one woman doesn’t depend on me, it depends on you. Your beauty doesn’t rely on hair/makeup, the perfect outfit, the lighting/posing from the gods, or any other surface thing. Your beauty rests in who you are as a woman, the battles you have won, the wars you are still fighting, the grace you exude, the character you have when you think no one is watching. You have a choice: You can choose to see beauty in the things that truly matter, or you can refuse it. That choice isn’t up to ME–it’s up to you. YOU. HAVE. TO. CHOOSE. And you better choose like your life depends on it–because it does. You can live every day like no matter WHAT you are beautiful, or you can deeply damage yourself and everyone who loves you by refusing to dig deep and find beauty in SPITE OF your circumstances.”
If you have heard nothing else since being in this group, hear this. Your beauty–the kind of beauty that makes other women want to be your best friend, the kind of beauty that impacts an entire world, the beauty that turns into a legacy is NOT determined by:
-the size of your jeans
-how many stretch marks you have
-how tan you can get
-how much money you make
-whether or not you are in a relationship
-how many followers you have
-how many designer handbags you have
NONE of those things will matter when your daughter is talking about you, long after you are gone. She will talk about your smile, the laugh you could hear from a mile off, your composure under fire, the mama bear that comes out when anyone messed with your babies, the way you taught her to bake, how you loved her so deeply and fully, all of the sacrifices you made to give her the best life you could.
Those are the things that make you beautiful, babe. Whether or not you choose to see it isn’t up to me (GOD I wish it was). YOU are the ONLY one who can DECIDE that you are beautiful, and that your beauty stands on a foundation far stronger than what your bra size is or how many back rolls you have. Build your confidence on something unbreakable.
The choice is yours…..what’s it gonna be?